What's Wrong With You Then?

That was a fun little break right guys?

I hope your holidays were grrrrrrreat!
Mine wasn't as exciting as last time. Less French people though which was nice.

I was super excited for Thursday Simchat Torah since I had made a lot of friends and I was looking forward to dancing/drinking/eating with them, and not just be sitting like we had been at the meals. I had told my roommates that I was going to a "Jewish Party", and I wasn't wearing heels so I'd be able to jump as Jewish dancing so often calls for. I had headed out at 7:30pm since the schedule at said 8. When I got there, there were tables set up with nice candles, and people from the regular shul there not just from Chabad. I saw my friend and before I could say anything he asked me where I had been since I missed all the fun. I expected him to follow up with "...just kidding!" but he didnt, I had read the time wrong and festivities has started at 5:30 and only dinner was at 8pm. Womp womp.

All my friends were already sitting at full tables so I found a spot next to an extremely old woman who asked me what I was doing with my life to which I said that I had no definite plans further than my flight home (and even that's tentative...). I was about to ask her what she's planning to do with her life but then I realized that she was 100 and pretty much done. So I said I liked her brooch.

Fortunately, after the shul people (and my new old lady bff) left, the Chabad rabbi had some more impromptu dancing (and wine) so at least I was there for that. Not a total loss...plus..ice cream.

Friday night I was pretty sick so I couldn't make it to the Chabad. Instead, I stayed home and watched the shows on teen channel 4 which was called "What's Wrong With You Then? Friday Night Lineup". A little insulting. It was my first clue of how much British TV loves to put down its viewers.

Here are two shows that were on which not only mildly confused me but at times downright horrified me. They were two little shows called 'Supersize Vs Superskinny" in which someone who's overweight and someone who's malnourished switch diets for the week to see how the other eats, and they have to make the food for each other. Effectively it's taking two people and just switching their eating disorders. I admit I was a little (ie a lot) into Biggest Loser a couple of seasons ago and even though it's pretty exploitative of obese people, I think they do more good than harm. At least Jillian Michaels tries to get to the bottom of their disorders.

Not this host. Dr. Jessen basically only comes out (in his highlighted hair and tight purple cardigans) to tell the participants just how soon they'll die if they don't start eating the right food. He doesn't tell him what they right foods are mind you, just that they're for sure going to die. Soon.

At the end of the week, the participants get a valuable lesson (I guess?) in how hard eating is on the opposite spectrum of their disorders and presumably go back to the way it was before.

The second show called Embarrassing Fat Bodies also features the fabulous Dr. Jessen, along with more "doctors" including one named Dr. Pixie. Who's very very small. Pixie.

In this one they use SCIENCE to show fat people why they're fat ("it's evolutionary!"). They also take they Fat Bodies truck to the fattest towns in London and use their megaphone to get people to come into the truck. This was an actual exchange between "Dr" Jessen and a man who reluctantly was prodded into the truck:

Man: I'm so heavy. It's hard for me to play with grandkids. (sighs)
Dr. J: What exactly do you eat that you know isn't good for you?
Man: I do eat a lot of chocolates....
(cut to a stack of MEDICAL BOOKS on the truck table)
Dr. J: You don't need the chocolates. Just stop eating them.
Man: Yeah...ok. (lumbers off)

Wow! Dr. Jessen is amazing and full of educational and informative tips! How fast can we get him to the states? There's so much more I can say on this fascinating show, but I won't because it's making me mad and this is already pretty long.

I'm pretty thankful that the holidays are over, spending holidays alone (even with the other Chabad orphans) can pretty lonely and I missed my family. But I'll have the rest of my life to be with my family (and one day my own) and I'm pretty they won't like it if I was just like peace I'll be spending Sukkot in London, adios. And also my roommates are glad they don't have to keep the bathroom light on 24/7. Win/win.

Back to reality.

Booze for Jewz

Can we talk about last night please?

I'll start.

I had bought a ticket to J-SOC's pub crawl event. I have never been to a pub crawl but some people I had met on Sukkot would be there as well as some kids from my own program (and one boy who isn't Jewish...just couldn't pass up a pub crawl). the premise didn't seem all that different than what I would normally do on my own. But this had a bus. So...

Here is what happened in the first 30 min, take notes Maryland Hillel on how to make an AWESOME event:
1. Everyone got a shirt, a white shirt that said the event and "Name _____ School ____", then everyone got markers to fill it in, write on each other, draw, make friends etc.
2. Everyone had to find a buddy, then you either got your wrists or legs taped to attach you, then whoever stayed with their buddy longest got a free drink, it's quite hard to maneuver double-decker bus steps, attached at the ankles.
3. Have the coordinators/Rabbi of event hand out unidentified alcoholic drinks in Coke bottles to people on the bus.
4. Let the night begin.

At some point I remember having the brilliant idea that I had no more room on my shirt and that I should just write on myself instead. Which is why I had to scrub off 'meshuga'at', 'PEACE!' 'I love you <3 Lauren!' and 'NOT TZNIUS' off my arms and legs this morning before work. I decided it would be a good day to wear long sleeves anyways...

The last stop was to a bar in Camden, which was actually 3 blocks from where I work. Although getting that point across to people after drinking was difficult. I kept yelling at people that "I work here!!" leading the staff at the bar to say no, actually I did not. It's a good thing I don't have to pass that place everyday or anything....

Work was slow today, another staff meeting. I was too tired to be weird. Plus we had a guest speaker, a reporter from the Jewish Chronicle, which was cool. Although the piece of advice he stressed was that you should do something else besides journalism as your undergrad and then do it in graduate school. Well save your words of wisdom Mr. Dysch, I sent in my journalism school application this morning. I guess I'll just have to get well-rounded elsewhere.

Don't be mad that I'm taking another 4 day break due to Sukkot.
I hope your holiday is amaazzzzzzzzing.

(Also I've noticed that I've been getting pretty consistent blog hits from Russia...care to explain Russia?)

Thanks for Your patience!

Hey lovelies. Sorry I've been taking a little vacation from my blog. It's been a tad busy this week. But I'll catch you all up very fast:

Work - I spent lunch with my German co-worker who had lived in Gaza for a couple of years. I could tell she wanted to debate the Israeli/Palestinian situation with me but I smoothly side-stepped it by changing the subject to the wonderment of this beautiful weather. At the staff meeting, one chick proposed an article about plastic surgery and religion. I was taking notes when she said 'designer vaginas' and accidentally laughed. Looking up, I realized no one laughed with me...I was all alone in my immaturity. But I covered it with a delayed cough, don't worry.

Sukkot - My original plans for the first days fell through and I was very sad that again I would be alone during a chag. But I bucked up, got dressed, said goodbye to my flatmates and headed to Chabad. I left a note on the fridge telling them that I didn't have my cellphone and that if I don't return from 32 Cumberland Place they can a. call the police and b. divide up my stuff between them.
I had an unexpectedly amazing time all three nights. Everyone there was super friendly, the Rabbi was very welcoming, and the food was not so bad. It's good to have lowered expectations all the time like me.
The only annoying thing was that mostly everyone there was French, and although I DID take a semester of French at Queensborough Commnity College, none of them wanted to talk about colors or numbers. Disappointing. The first night I sat next to very nice Swiss girls and some cool French people but at some point I realized that everyone was speaking their native language ie not English. So I had to quietly sit there until someone said something in English so I could break in. But I did forcibly meet a lot of nice people so I'm glad.

School - I have no idea what's going on in school as I missed half of last week and will be missing most of this week as well. Shoot.

Today - Today I had another class for my internship, mostly getting together with that excited blonde lady from the first week (who still hasn't managed to catch her breath) and discuss our internships so far. Then I went to Westminster Abbey with my friend. It is ORNATE. Jewish memorials are usually slabs of marble with one or two words, which is simple and I understand why they're like that. But these English monarchs knew a thing about EXTENSIVE graves and style. It is seriously breathtaking, and also a little creepy. But it's still beautiful. So that was my touristy thing for today. Tonight's a bar-crawl with JSOC, the Jewish Society of something something. I'm a little tired of being overly-friendly to every person I meet, especially since I have to do it all over again this weekend but I think I can manage one more night for some free drinks.

Ok, now you're all caught up so we'll return to our regularly scheduled daily updates.
xo

Happy One Month Aniversary London!

Ah, another Yom Kippur come and gone. Another stomachache from eating my body weight in pasta (#whitewhine.com)

To explain this "meeting" I had Thursday night, I had been contacted by a Londoner on Shabbat.com (which also conveniently has a shidduch section) offering to show me around London. I agreed, even though I don't usually meet strangers from the internet. I figured that any of the people I met in the past 29 days have been total strangers so what's one more?

He was a lovely boy, but more importantly, I've found out that I come off as a total psychopath upon meeting new people.
It had been going well enough, getting Starbucks, walking around Golders Green, checking out the local youths smoking cigarettes off the highways, the usual. I got a text from my roommate, who I had asked to call to make sure I hadn't been killed. But I hadn't so I wrote back that I was very much still alive.

Him: Is everything OK?
Me: Yeah, sorry, I had put my friend on serial killer watch.
Him: For me?? I wouldn't kill you! I'm English! I'd just give you some tea!
Me: Actually that's why they never caught Jack the Ripper, because they assumed that no British man would kill other Brits, so they only focused on foreigners.

Once I started in on Jack, that led to my visit to the Clink Prison museum, then to the creepy exhibits at the museum of Childhood, then inevitably to my addiction to Criminal Minds. I think I even pointed out "So even if you were a serial killer, you'd have picked the wrong girl to take out.." Normal ("Have you considered visiting, I dunno, a history or science museum?")

Anyways, making suspicious friends aside, I've been busy with Autobiography class (a whole post in itself), breaking more things at work and Yom Kippur. I went to the Great Synagogue, off Euston. It was OK...they had a choir which was nice at first, but got old quicky when it took them 9 hours to do ashrei. Have your choir every day of the year but not when you're unnecessarily stretching out this long enough davening. But that might have been the lack of food talking.

Hmm...that took less room than I thought so I'll just touch on this Autobiography class. There are about 8 people in my class, one African, one Irish dude, two Brits, one American (me) and the rest didn't talk so I don't know where they're from. And the teacher's from New Zealand. I like this whole multi-national classes thing they have going on here.

We talked about autobiographies and memoirs for a bit, which is totally my deal since all I seem to read are memoirs (except I'm actually in the middle of Super Freakonomics right now which is pretty awesome too). I was thinking hey, this creative writing class is going to be pretty super.
Until my kiwi teacher told us to write down the 10 best moments of our lives along with the 10 worst...then to pick one memory, write about it and read it out loud...then I realized, uh oh, this class might be a little personal.

Well duh, Aviva you're in a class about YOU. So this might get interesting as well....

This Kitchen is Bitchen!

Sorry for the delay. I don't like to skip days, because even though I know people are reading this, it really is just a writing discipline thing for me, as well as a log of this trip. So keep pestering me to update.

Yesterday was my first day of work. No fire alarms thank God. I did break the printer though...
I finally found out what my job is (kind of). I'm the coordinator between the staff of the magazine and the organization along with another girl, Ounie. So I know the title yet that that didn't mean anything to me. I was told that we were going to be running a meeting that night with the writers, I had never run a magazine meeting before but I said "great! I can do that!" (pretty much exactly what I said before I accidentally broke the printer.)

My office is cute. We share it with another organization called the Three Faiths Forum, which is also some sort of non-profit company. There's a guy working for them I noticed with a kippa and a dyed blonde mohawk. I have not had the chance to talk to him yet though.

I met some of them at lunch. Because everyone on the floor eats lunch together at a big conference table in the middle of the office. It's kind of the cutest thing I've ever seen. Everyone takes out their lunch or picks some up and then sit together and after they all wash dishes together. I sat next to one of the guys working for them who was asking me about my internship. I got the feeling that this man in a suit was trying to talk like an American for me.

Him: So how did you get the internship?
Me: Well I sent my CV to my program and they set it up so I just showed up here today.
Him: So you were like 'hey, I'm down with that'?
Me: I think those might have been my exact words actually.
Him: Sweet...bro.

Everyone's been nice too. I was nervous for the meeting we were supposed to be running but Ounie had planned out what we were going to say. I think our main job is to make sure that THEY know what they're doing. And we could also write for it if we wanted.

At 6pm, people started showing up. We had 4 writers, 3 photographers, 1 editor and 3 graphic designers. The first thing we did was go around and have everyone say their name, where they're from, what they're doing for the magazine and something random about themselves.
Everyone is between 21-26, from all over and here are only some of their credentials:

1. One French girl has a degree in graphic design and currently works for London Elle magazine.
2. One boy from New Dehli won his university tuition by being on an Indian reality show.
3. A girl from Bulgaria has a Phd in Political Science and writes for a reputable political blog here.

But they're all super impressive and a little intimidating. And I'm kind of in charge of them.
My introduction was "Hi, um, I'm from New York studying here, and...last night I went to a drag show." Awesome.
I am excited though, the magazine sounds super cool and everyone is just really passionate about it so it'll be really interesting to work with them.

Tonight I had another play for my theater class. It was called The Kitchen and I wasn't in love with it. The visuals and acting were pretty good, it's just very distracting seeing as that there are 30 parts and like 100 subplots. And not even one central plot, other than the fact that they all work in a kitchen. Every character is from a different country and you know I don't understand accents!
I did understand a dirty look an old man in front of me gave me when I stretched my feet out of the chairs during intermission. I moved them back right away realizing too late that I am not in a movie theater. But he had to add "We do not do THAT in England." K, how bout you make this about me being American. Cool.

Tomorrow I have class, work and then a...date? Not really a date. A meeting. With a stranger. So if I stop posting, it's probably because I was murdered. But I'll explain it all tomorrow!

The Stuff of Nightmares

Today I decided to not continue my trend of waking up at 11am by setting my alarm for the bright shiny hour of 8 in the morn...although not leaving the apartment until 1030.

I decided to see The Museum of Childhood this morning (I know what you're thinking 'Aviva, you were just writing about how you hate children!' and you're right! But this isn't a Children's Museum it's a Museum of Childhood, see? A difference)

I was particularly excited about this exhibit called The Stuff Of Nightmares (The Darker Side of Fairy Tales) which looked scary. But I was disappointed when I got there since the exhibit was made by children and was basically a forest scene on a wall with trees and dolls next to it. Upon closer inspection, I realized that yes, this is quite insane. There were dolls with mis-matching bodies sitting around a campfire, dogs with buttons glued on their eyes and a 3 foot bear wearing flippers with a babies face. In a word: Terrifying.

The rest of the museum was pretty cool, giant doll houses from the 1700's, children's fashions from the 1890's until today, rocking horses from all over the world. Everything had a little tag explaining the date or a little bio of the toy. Although...there were some disturbing things about the museum that were not in the 'Stuff of Nightmares' section...

5 Disturbing/Weird Things from the Museum of Children:

1. There were two dolls dressed as priest and nun from the 1800's. The nun was about twice the size of the priest and they were both looking with wide-eyes suspiciously to the right, like "Uh-oh...God's coming." How can you even play with dolls that are always looking the other way like something horrifying is just...over...there...

2. There was a detailed wax baby doll from 1901. Not anything out of the ordinary here. Except this little tag said "John Florence's son died as an infant so he made an exact replica of his son, shown here." Ok tag, you're missing some details such as, how many people did John Florence murder as he is clearly an insane person. Also, he didn't make the doll until AFTER his son had died which means he had to sit and stare at his dead son while making the doll, which he then..what? Gave to his daughter? His wife? Disturbing.

3. As with the Clink museum, this one had little questions all over to get the kids engaged (Although it's hard to imagine a child being bored in a museum full of things to play with). One was over a phalanx of toy soldiers: "These soldiers were painted with lead paint which is poisonous! It has been replaced with much safer plastic alternatives. Which material would you use?" I think they question also doubles as a good test to see if your kid is a psychopath.

4. There was a giant tapestry which had jumprope songs from all over the world, from every culture, with little picture of children playing. I couldn't find the US's and Russia's was vaguely racist so I tried to scan the giant thing for the children's song from Israel. I didn't see it, but some Hebrew did catch my eye. In block letters next to the song it said Aramaic and I was surprised to find that I did in fact recognize the song, as we sing it every year on Pesach: "Chad Gadya, Chad Gaday ....וְאָתָא שׁוּנְרָא, וְאָכְלָה לְגַּדְיָאחַד גַּדְיָא, חַד
"גַּדְיָאI hadn't realized we had been singing a nursery rhyme at the Seder all these years...maybe next year we can incorporate Miss Mary Mac.

5. This isn't so much disturbing as just rude. I know I've been getting anti-American vibes from this place lately but I swear I'm not imagining this when I say the Barbie section was bitter. In the case next to Barbie, first there's Sindy, a "British doll debuting in 1963, Sindy was much more girl-next-door than her American rival Barbie". First of all, rival? Have any of you even heard of Sindy? And weird that you debuted 4 years after Barbie Sindy, wonder where you got that idea from. Another generic plastic doll had the tag "Pre-Barbie dolls were dressed more conservatively." Then they show Sindy in long sleeves and jeans next to what appears to be Roller-Disco barbie with her sparkly bralet and hot pants. Sure, it's not like you have hundreds of Barbies to choose from, from Wedding Barbie to Engineering Barbie, pick the one that looks like a hooker. Even GI Joe wasn't safe. Apparently his name was changed to Action Man, not because playing with a US soldier wouldn't make sense to a British child but because they "wouldn't like the name." Kermit didn't even get a tag or explanation.

I would still recommend the museum though if you have a free hour. It's not in such a great neighborhood though, I went to a little cafe across the street to drink some lemonade but left after people kept asking me for change.

Tonight I visited a Cabaret called the Cellar Door with some friends as a quirky thing to do. It was great, the Drag Queen (Michael Stanford) was very entertaining, although we were literally next to her (his?) mic, so close he was sharing our table. I tried absinthe for the first time, a sip basically since it tastes disgustingly like black licorice, so no Eurotrip like adventures for me sadly (or gladly).

Sorry the post was so long. I have to go sleep since I have my very first day of Interact tomorrow. XOXO.

Captain America

Hey ya'all. How was your Rosh Hashana?

Mine was...interesting.

The family I went to was being visited by all their children along with their sons-in-law and toddler grandchildren. I was the only non-relative. Which was fine.
What was not fine was that 87% of conversations for three days revolved around nappies and prams and what can-you-believe-how-adorable-they-are thing the babies did.

If there's anything I learned this holiday it's that I am not equipped to talk to people about their babies. The one line I use to respond to stuff usually halts whatever the proud parent is about to say next. Examples:

Parent: Oh, Yitzy was so silly yesterday, we told him that the new baby will be born soon and he ran to the crib to see if the baby was there!
Me: Yeah...babies are dumb.

Parent: It was so hard to get Sarah to take her bath! So I said 'Ok Sari! If you won't take a bath then mummy will take one instead!' So she started saying 'no! no! no! and got in the bath.
Me: Yeah...babies are easy to manipulate.

There were moments I tried to keep my mouth shut, like when they started in on America. One woman there started talking about Hershey's and how it's disgusting and poor quality and no one should ever buy it. I was keeping quiet until someone said 'Oh no, I think you're making Aviva upset!'
I looked down to see that I had been clutching my fork with my jaw severely locked.
I put down the fork and smoothed out the table cloth.

"Oh ha ha ha...no, I'm not upset..." Milton Hershey is an American icon!
"....I didn't invent the company or anything..." He created his empire from NOTHING!
"...We're all entitled to our opinions..." Nestle is the one who made it worse! I'd like to see you create a chocolate BILLION DOLLAR ORGANIZATION from scratch!

At one point during the holiday, the grandmother sat down with me for a chat, which was nice. Until she started telling me a story about how she had a very successful friend who decided to move to America and she told her friend 'Why would you leave London? Don't go to America!' but she did...and married a very successful man...who eventually lost his fortune and stabbed her to death. I think the moral was 'Don't Move to America, You Will Get Stabbed'
Her "Why did he have to stab her? He could've just divorced her!"
Me "No...I agree...I would much rather be divorced than um, stabbed"

So, even though it was a very nice Chag...I was a little happy to be back in my apartment with my American roommates where I spent the rest of the night eating copious amounts of pasta and watching TV. American-style.

Today I went to the zoo in Regents Park which was amazing because:
1. It's BEAUTIFUL there, a lot of room, sunny out, not very crowded.
2. The 'Penguin Beach' lets you get super up close and personal with the penguins. I had
missed the penguin show but I'll def be there next time at 11:30am for feeding. Maybe tomorrow.

Hope you had a lovely holiday as well.
Cheers!

Ps. Don't forget to donate to my JNF fund. Seriously, donate ONE dollar anonymously and I will love you inappropriate amounts.